Out with the old...

You know the saying, right?

"Out with the old, in with the new".

Well, I have been doing just that both physically (all that cupboard cleaning you've already heard all about) and mentally.

And today I felt like talking about this and realized that I was not happy with the idea of surfing the internet to find a way to illustrate it... and, since I have not solved the problems of my digital camera, I've opted to make a slight change to this blog. From now on I will attempt to illustrate my meanderings with home made illustrations. It's been a while since I've drawn on a regular basis so you will have to bare with my not so original, not so self assured, style. Hopefully, practice will make "better".

All this to explain my little simplistically symbolic sketch of how I feel at the moment: like I am shedding a skin that no longer belongs to me. I've always been intrigued by the snake's capacity to do that. I think it has alot to do with letting go and allowing oneself to be "reborn".

One sign of this transformation is all this cleaning out. Another is all the reading I've been doing, about things that have little to do with my profession or my job hunt.

Should I feel bad about not obsessing 24/7 about finding those elusive jobs that, according to all news reports and statistics, no longer exist in the Spanish economy? Of course I'd like to bag one of them, preferably of the species which includes a decent contract! I've sent CVs to all the job offers I've seen or heard of where my experience and skills are of real interest, in Madrid and elsewhere (both nationally and internationally). I've sent CVs to places I would never have considered before. I've extended the search in new directions. Everything I have been able to think of. And I am beginning to check to see if there are any free courses I can try to go to, to try and shore up my skills.

Yet I also want to do other things beyond looking for a job. Like getting this blog going, getting other personal projects that I have long (long as in years and years) left on the shelf, off the floor... is that wrong? For me it feels like a catharsis. And a way to fend off the anxiety of being jobless.

Getting rid of all the negative ticks that I have been accumulating through out all these years of long, long working hours is another exercise. I am taking this "opportunity" of not going to an office every day to try and rebalance my body, my mind, and my sense of self in what I hope is a peaceable way. Maybe some of the changes that result from this are causing friction with some of the people I love most, and I am sorry for that. But I believe that I should be allowed to decide what I want to do with my life.

I like to think of all these projects as part of an overarching and mostly "eco" internal renewal: it necessitates no increase in my carbon footprint (I haven't escaped to any island paradise or mountain retreat to regain equilibrium), nor am I using extra gasoline (there's no speeding on a motorcycle or in a car in an attempt to escape from my inner daemons). What I AM doing is recycling like crazy, seeking to find new uses or new owners for things I no longer need, want or use, and trying to get creative in as many ways as I can come up with: sewing, cooking, drawing, collages... and of course lots and lots of writing. Also a few tests to help clarify what I want now and who I have become. Who I am in this 2010 and where I want to go.

Now, does this first illustration of mine make a little more sense?

TV or not TV...

... that is the question.

Atleast for this single woman as she begins to live it up in her flat.

I had never spent so much time at home as I have over these past few months.

And I found myself falling into TV watching patterns that might be fine every other Sunday but that, to be completely honest, can not bode well for any person's sanity if taken up on a daily basis.

If you have ever lived on your own, you know the drill. You tend to switch the TV on as soon as you get home, leaving it on as "background noise" as you go about preparing, dinner, a bath, making calls to friends, family, checking emails, etc...

TV's bluish light and constant gabbing become a cheap substitute for cozy person to person dialogue.

If that happens for a couple of hours per day, that's not a problem. It's only natural in today's hyper-connected world.

But if you are stuck on the sofa for hours, days, weeks... TV can become a dangerous drug. I admit that there were days when, because of the constant pain, there was little else I could focus on as I lay there. As I got better, I diversified: reorganizing the flat, one shelf, table, and cupboard at a time, beginning this blog, doing my rehabilitation exercises at home, organizing the contents of scrapbooks (the one I'm working on now and future volumes too), writing a couple of articles, and reading through and then chucking many hundreds more that I had cut out of magazines and never had time to read. Through it all, the TV continued buzzing in the background.

I admit that my favoured TV "junk food" are TV series (especially all of those that fall into the police investigation type). So now I can almost spend 12 hours straight a day hopping from series to series.

Stop. Let me clarify that.

I would know how to do it, but I have never actually done it. Just think of the migraine that would cause!

Until recently I had no real idea of what went on on Spanish TV between 10 am and 7 pm. I'd draw a complete blank if asked. Now, I am extra thankful for the arrival of tdt and the diversification of what's on offer. Because, to be perfectly honest, most of what's on offer through out the day is pretty lame. Even as mere background noise.

This is why I think books and magazines still have alot to offer. And not necessarily only online. Nothing beats a few hours cozying up with a page turner. I see no kindle in my future. I'd much rather fray the edges of second hand books, old favourites and new loans. Plus, paper books are fun to look at (atleast for an editing and design junkie like myself), exchange, lend out... I like to think that all those trees went up one step in the karmic ladder when they transformed into books through which we and generations to come can learn, dream, grow, experience a thousand emotions and live a million lives. Also, a book doesn't need a constant electricity feed.

So I've put myself on a TV diet. And the TV is on a diet too - I got a multiple switch a few months ago that it shares with the CD/DVD player and the tdt - THE best gadget to cut down on my use of electricity. Bye bye, stand by! SOOOO COOL!!! I highly recommend it. Pity the same can't be done with the refrigerator...

Happy New Year and New Decade!

Sorry its taken me so long to get back into the blogging mood... I have been trying to resolve several open fronts, while battling the more mundane day to day stuff and trying to be present for family and friends over the holidays.

And you may say - well with the move and all... well, that was the last "surprise" 2009 had up its sleeve for me. When I had finished most of the box making, managed to return my double bed to its independent pieces so the boxes could begin piling up in the bedroom, etc... the owner of the new apartment changed his mind.

I was floored.

After a couple of days of stunned disbelief, I assumed I'd have to begin the search from scratch.

In 2010.

One of my ways of dealing with it all was taking a "digital break" during the 2 weeks I was away at my parents' place for the holidays. A very odd feeling, but very revealing in many ways (suddenly, when you are not glued to your computer screen 8 to 12 hours a day, you have alot of time for cooking, hand making gifts, catching up with people... heck even sleeping a daily siesta as in the "good old times"!)

Last week was the official "back to school" in Spain. And its looking as dull and gray as the weather. Maybe things are on the up on the other side of the pond or the mountains, but here things are still very much frozen. And, after years of very hard work, its slightly disconcerting to realize there is soo little going on.

So considering how to create work for myself. It sounds easy enough, but, I sometimes wonder if any of the seeds that I am sowing will actually manage to bear fruit. Still, I have faith spring will return, so I continue to work away!!! So expect a return of more eco minded stories, including some about some cool eco gizmos that Santa left me under the Christmas tree.